Just Do it: How to Strengthen the Parent - Child Connection
For parents of young children. If you’re not pre-disposed to a lot of displays of affection or extended cuddles or life is in a busy season and this one has slipped out of use, this one is for you.
Morning: When your kids wake up or you wake them up, hug them for at least 20 seconds & look them in the eye, smile & say ‘good morning’ or 'hey kiddo' or 'how you doin' champ' or whatever is your style.
Evening: When you put your kids to bed (all devices/screens off, out of sight & hearing), sit or lie down with them & hold their hand or if they are small enough to snuggle in your arms that is good too. Spend at least 5 minutes holding them: in silence if that is your thing or read a story, talk about their day or listen to an audio book.
Why?
Because when babies come into the world, the physical contact of their carers communicates: “You are safe”, “You are connected”, “I’ve got you, it’s going to be ok”. We don’t really ever lose the need to be reminded of these fundamentals & this is the very environment that babies & dare I say it, humans of all ages, need to thrive.
What difference will it make?
Allow yourself to enjoy the time with your kids, to relax & know that this time you are spending with them is quality & you may be surprised at how good it feels for you too. It may make a difference in your children’s behaviour & attitudes, it may help them deal better with their emotions…beyond these possibilities, the benefits will vary depending on the family.
A deeper why
The brain processes the day throughout the sleeping hours & the last feelings & thoughts before bed become the primary processing fuel for the subconscious. In the morning, how we wake up & what happens in those first moments can determine the tone of our day until we are old enough to regulate our emotions moment to moment towards our goal of the emotions it is most important for us to experience.
This means that as you send your kids to sleep in an environment of love, connection & safety & wake them up & greet them in a way that communicates “I’m glad you’re alive & here with me”, this will increasingly be the emotional state that feels natural to them.
Bonus
You can also try this practice with your significant other. Obviously tell them you want to try something new if this is quite out of your normal routine & adjust the kind of physical connection to what works for both of you.
Keys to being effective:
1) The key attitudes of gratitude for a life you get to share, of desire for connection & to be there for each other will bring richness to the experience.
2) Turn off or remove from sight and hearing all devices, tv, radio etc
3) If this is a new experience to connect in this way, then keep it to 5 minutes. You may be happily surprised at how connected you can feel to your special person in such a short amount of time as you practice being fully present.
4) Practice consistently for a week and then take a few moments to ask yourself "What am I enjoying about this experience? What adjustments could I make for it to be better?" Then make your changes and practice for another week.
I would love to hear how you experience this 'Just Do It' and any comments or questions you may have.
