Is 'Presence' powerful?

Going to the poorer areas of countries to help in times of crisis is an interesting experience for a 22 year old.

In 2001 I found myself in the middle of a Community Counselling qualification in Perth, Western Australia, which included a three month cross-cultural experience. Our destinations were the refugee camps of the victims of the Maluku attacks in Sulawesi, Indonesia and places around India such as leper colonies, AIDS hospices, branches of Mother Teresa’s orphanages for disfigured, disabled and dying children and slums.

It was in Sulawesi that I witnessed the power of being ‘present’ or ‘holding space’ for someone; listening to them and being interested in them as a person; opening myself to feel and mirror their emotions, to really ‘see’ them. The reason it was so profound was that I spoke barely a word of Indonesian and I had no translator.

I had one verbal tool.

When a person finished speaking, I would repeat the last word or two - even though I had no idea what they meant.

To be there and feel so helpless in the face of such incredible bravery, sorrow, bereavement and poverty…me with my privileged western life coming to ‘do good’. Yet as is so often the way, they taught me much more about faith, forgiveness, life and love than I knew I had to learn.

So there we were, with no translators and a sketchy ‘tool’ at best. I saw an older gentleman sitting on a broken down wall and he caught my eye, looking as if he wanted to talk. I sat down next to him and began my lesson in ‘presence’. His face was worn, wrinkled and tired, yet when I looked at him, he seemed to relax a little…. He began to speak and I heard the pain in his voice, sometimes the dull tone of emotions too unbearable to feel again. He paused and looked at me so I repeated his last word and gestured to continue. He kept talking and I kept listening, watching him and periodically repeating a word or two to keep him talking. Time rolled by as he poured out his story. I don’t know what he was talking about - the attacks, the family he had lost or memories of the past but when he was done he was calmer and even smiled as he said ‘Terima kasih, terima kasih.’ (Thank you, thank you)

18 years on and I still remember the man who taught me the power of presence and the grace and gentleness of a wise old man who told his story to a young foreign woman.

#Presence #communication